We are told that resilience is about grit. Push harder. Endure longer. Never give up.
But anyone who has leaned against an immovable wall knows the truth — no amount of effort changes what cannot move. The more you press, the more exhausted you become, until strength itself turns against you.
I learned this lesson the hard way. There was a project I refused to abandon, even though it had long since become obsolete. I told myself quitting would mean failure. So, I persisted — longer hours, more pressure, less rest. The wall did not move. I only broke myself against it. Looking back, resilience would not have been holding on. It would have been stepping away.
The science of letting go
The research supports this. Psychologists Gregory Miller and Carsten Wrosch found that individuals who relentlessly pursue unattainable goals exhibit elevated cortisol levels, chronic inflammation, and poorer long-term health outcomes. By contrast, those who can strategically disengage — by releasing goals that no longer serve them — exhibit better physiological health and greater adaptability.
Resilience is not about endurance at all costs. It is about recognising when persistence becomes damaging, and having the courage to redirect energy elsewhere.
Release as resilience
This is why symbolic practices of release matter. They make the invisible visible. They create a moment where discarding what no longer serves you is not a failure, but a sign of strength.
Walking away, setting something down, or stepping back is often the hardest decision to make. Yet it is also the one that preserves energy, clarity, and integrity for what truly matters.
If you feel like you are pushing at a wall, pause and ask: Is this wall meant to move? Resilience is not measured by how long you press, but by whether you know when to let go.